ah beng was here

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
=====================================================
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical
Friend:Really,what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.
=====================================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
=====================================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
=====================================================
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
=====================================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
=====================================================
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
=====================================================
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.
=====================================================
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.
=====================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
=====================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
=====================================================
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

tragedi telorr..

Aku ada cerita ni... lawak la jugak.. tapi jangan ketawa tau... Aku baru berkahwin setahun yang lepas dan duduk dengan isteri aku. Kami duduk berdua sahaja sebab belum dikurniakan anak. Aku ni ada satu kegemaran iaitu makan telur rebus. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku suka makan telur rebus, sedap agaknya. Sebelum aku kahwin, aku memang gila telur rebus. Pagi petang siang malam makan telur rebus. Tapi semenjak aku kahwin ni aku terpaksa berkorbanlah, iaitu dengan meninggalkan tabiat aku ini. Lama juga aku dah tak pekena telur rebus ni.. sebab orang rumah aku masak sedap-sedap.. so aku dah tak kisah lagilah..

Ceritanya begini, bulan lepas masa aku balik kerja, tiba-tiba kereta aku rosak..akupun telefon bini aku katakan aku balik lambat sebab kena menapak. Sebab lapar akupun singgah satu kedai makan tu...ada telur rebus lah.. akupun makan nasi dengan telur rebus..lepastu aku order telur rebus lebih lagi untuk diratah. Sebelum balik aku bungkus lagi 10 biji telur rebus untuk makan sambil berjalan balik nanti. Tiba je kat rumah aku rasa amatlah kenyang.. maklumlah balas dendam sebab lama tak pekena telur rebus. Sebelum aku masuk kerumah,isteri aku tiba-tiba cakap dia ada 'surprise' untuk aku malam ni. Dia suruh aku tutup mata dengan kain hitam yang diikat kemas dibelakang kepalaku. Dan dipimpinnya aku sampai ke meja makan Aku duduk dikerusi dan isteriku pesan jangan cuba buka ikatan yang menutup mataku.

Aku nak pergi toilet sebab perutku mula buat hal, tapi malaslah nak spoilkan 'surprise' isteriku ini. Aku pun tahan ler... Tetiba telefon berbunyi, isteriku pergi mengangkatnya. Apa lagi ada chance aku pun melepaskan kentut yang ditahan sekian lama.. Fuuuuhhh lega rasanya... bau boleh tahan... maklumler berapa biji telur tah aku bedal tadi... Alamak.. ada lagi satu la.. aku pun angkat sebelah punggung dan lepaskan satu das lagi.. bunyinya PROOOTTT!! .. fuh bau jangan cakap beb.. aku pun tak tahan bau dia... aku kipas pakai tangan angin dia kasi kurang sikit bau dia... adalah macam bau telur tembelang sikit.. Tetiba aku dengar bunyi telefon berdering lagi... hai lamanya tunggu isteri aku ni, aku tak sabar lagi ni nak tahu surprise dia ni. Aku terasa ada lagilah, kali ni memang aku rasa power punyalah.. aku kumpul dulu kasi padu..lepastu aku bangun, tonggeng sikit dan lepaskan angin taufan tu... PRRROOOOOTTT!!!!... fuhh lega... bergegar sikit meja makan dibuatnya... peh tak tahan aku bau dia power gila.. aku tutup hidung aku.. aku rasa bau dia ada sikit-sikit macam bangkai la.. mau mati bunga atas meja makan aku ni.. sambil tu aku sebut 'ahhhh.... lega...'. Adalah dekat 5 minit baru bau bangkai tu hilang.. Lepas tu isteri aku kembali dan minta maaf sebab lambat.. lalu dia kata 'SURPRISE!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!' dan suruh aku buka kain penutup mata aku.. laaa birthday aku hari ni le... camne boleh lupa ni.. Aku buka le kain penutup mata aku.. mulutku terus melopong... ALAMAK!!! Benda pertama aku lihat.. muka merah padam pak mertua aku, mak mertua aku, adik ipar aku dua orang, duduk keliling meja makan. Bos aku dengan jiran sebelah rumah rumah aku pun ada!!. ? jadi aku pun nak kaber malu, aku tanya la kat pak mertua aku. 'dah lama ke pak sampai?'.

Dan pak mertua aku pun jawab.'Dah lama. Sebelum kentut pertama lagi!!'.:TAMAT:.

kids :)

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________


TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________


TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't

have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________


TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree,

but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish

him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your

brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when

people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

__________________________________

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?


BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
Chicken shall not shit while crossing the road. This is for a green environment.

LEE KUAN YEW:
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

SAMY VELLA:
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

SHAHLIR:
All foreign chickens are welcome in Malaysia but they must not cross over the road within 50km of the border.

NAJID RAZAK:
What chickens? I don't know any chickens... especially those from Mongolia.

ABDULLAH DADAWI
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHADHIR:
Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that!

ANNWAR:
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

.

The future is ..now, retarded

certainly is it?

cyber kids

too much internet?

Jangan lupa baca perkeso punya akta!!

Sepasang kekasih baru yang bekerja sebagai pekerja sosial.. Hamid dan
Rosni selalu bersama walau kemana jua.. Suatu malam ketika mereka berdua
keluar berdating…

Hamid : “Kita nak kemana nie?
Rosni : “Tak kisah la.. mana-mana pun boleh”
Hamid : “Apa kata kalau kita ke pantai..
Rosni : “Saya ok aje..”

Apabila sampai dipantai mereka berdua tidak keluar dari kereta.. merekahanya berehat sambil berbual-bual didalam kereta.. Mulanya berbual biasa..lama-kelamaan.. Hamid meletakkan tangannya di paha Rosni.. nampaknya Rosni tidak membantah.. Beberapa minit kemudian.. Hamid mengerakkan tangannya beberapa inci ke atas… Rosni masih tidak membantah… hinggalah akhirnya ketika Hamid mengerakkan tangannya beberapa inci lagi..
Rosni berkata dengan sopan.. “Abang Hamid… ingatlah pada akta 15 dalam perlembagaan
pekerja sosial” Setelah mendengarkan teguran Rosni itu.. Hamid terus menarik tangannya menjauhi Rosni.. walaupun sebenarnya dia tidak berapa ingat isi kandungan akta 15 itu..

Hamid : “Maafkan saya”
Rosni : “Tak apa”

Lalu mereka pulang… Di rumah.. Hamid terus masuk ke bilik dan membuka buku perlembagaan pekerja sosial dan mencari akta 15.. lalu dia membaca kandungannya…

“Teruskan Usahamu.. Jangan lakukan Separuh Jalan Sahaja”

lambat pergi kerja

try la bagi alasan camni kat bos mana tau die leh terima ke ye tak. alasan standard aku biasala.. pegi bank kejap ke, pegi klinik ke hahah, tapi aku jarang dtg lambat.. cewahh

sejukkk..

skarang KL musim hujan.. kalau rasa sejuk sangat..pakai la sweater mcm nih :p

An interesting pie chart

A pie chart (or a circle graph) is a circular chart divided into sectors, illustrating relative magnitudes or frequences or percents. In a pie chart, the arc length of each sector (and consequently its central angle and area), is proportional to the quantity it represents. Together, the sectors create a full disk. It is named for its resemblance to a pie which has been sliced. Statisticians tend to regard pie charts as a poor method of displaying information. While pie charts are common in business and journalism, they are uncommon in scientific literature. One reason for this is that it is more difficult for comparisons to be made between the size of items in a chart when area is used instead of length.
Lets see the the pie in different angle as below. its a good method of displaying information to me :p

laughing seal

hahaha.. gelak besar nampak

Kisah Sengal hari ni

cite 1
Seorang murid yang baru berpindah sekolah ditanya oleh guru kelasnya..
Guru : "Kamu ni murid baru kan ?"
Murid : " Ya.. cikgu"
Guru : "Nama kamu siapa?"
Murid : "Man"
Guru : "Nama panjang kamu?"
Murid : " Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.. cikgu"

cite 2
3 orang budak
Ada 3 orang budak bersembang pasal cita-cita dia orang....
Lina:ko dah besar nak jadi apa?
Ah chong: saya da besa nak jadik Superman woo
Lina: saya dah besar nanti jadik supergirl
Ahmad:(Sambil korek idung) Saya nak jadi supermarket. .. macam-macam
ada....

Life before the computer

• Memory was something that you lost with age
• An application was for employment
• A program was a TV show
• A cursor used profanity

• A keyboard was a piano
• A web was a spider's home
• A virus was the flu
• A CD was a bank account

• A hard drive was a long trip on the road
• A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
• And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy.. you just hoped nobody found out hehe

Sungguh romantik

Di suatu malam yang dingin, di dalam

sebuah bilik yang sederhana besar,

di atas katil...... sepasang suami isteri

yang telah lanjut usia baru masuk tidur.

Suaminya telah mula mengantuk tapi

isterinya terbangkit perasaan ghairah malam itu....

Si isteri bersuara,

"Dulu-dulu tu.... abang selalu pegang tangan saya

bila kita nak tido."

Suaminya dengan separuh sedar, menggenggam tangan

isterinya, lepas tu mula mengantuk semula.

Beberapa ketika lepas tu, si isteri bersuara lagi,

"Kemudian tu.... abang selalu cium saya."

Si suami dengan rasa terganggu, mengangkat kepalanya

dan menyentuh bibirnya ke pipi si isteri.

Lepas tu sambung tido balik.

Selepas beberapa saat, si isteri bersuara lagi,

"Kemudian tu.... abang selalu gigit-gigit leher saya......."

Dengan perasaan marah dan geram, si suami melontar

selimutnya dan bangun dari katil tu.

Si isteri bertanya,

"Abang nak gi mana tu?"

Dengan marah suaminya menjawab,


"Nak pegi amik gigi lah ni"


HAHAHAHHA...

Time is money

time is money, money don't come easy, easy to waste time, time is money :)

Darth Vader is a fan of Hello Kitty!

may the force be with you :)

Cerita Pelik Tapi Benar 2

Cerita 1
Yuzana merenung batang yang semakin menegak itu,dia terus mengusap-usapbatang tersebut,kelihatan air putih mengalir keluar.Yuzana pun menjerit"..Nek lemang ni nak buat macam mana, dah masak rasanya.."..

Cerita 2
Shidi meramas-ramas kemuncak kedua-dua bukit kecil itu,hatinya puas dansemangatnya semakin berkobar-kobar,jari-jemarinya terus menguli tanpa henti.Shidi tidak sabar hendak menyiapkan model untuk projek sainsnya itu yangbertajuk"bentuk muka bumi di kawasan berbukit bukau."

Cerita 3
Zamrul menghisap-hisap puting itu dengan berhat-hati dan perlahan,dia tidak mahu tergesa-gesa, sesekali lidah nya menyentuh lembut hujungputing itudan menyedut keluar sedikit susu ..."cehhh masih panas, dah dekat satu jam aku rendam dalam air suam pun masihpanas"Anak Zamrul yang masih bayi terus menangis meminta susu. Zamrul semakin tension.

Cerita 4
Idham menjerit sambil menhenjut-henjut badannya dengan rakus dan kasar"Come on baby, lets make it..."..katanya berulanag-ulang kali tanpa henti..Kemuncaknya semakin tiba dan Idham kelihatan semakin rakus memacu kudanya untuk menamatkan perlumbaan itu, dia bertekad untuk memenangi tempatpertama dalam perlumbaan itu.

Cerita 5
Bahagian belakang kereta itu bergegar dan berhenjut-henjut.Alman yang dari tadi mengintip dari celah-celah pokok dapat melihat duasusuk tubuh manusia sedang melakukan sesuatu didalam kegelapan itu. Alman terus mendiamkan diri, dia takut kehadirannya akan disedari. Tetapi setelahlama mengintip Alman pun lantas bangun dan segera menawarkan khidmatnyauntuk membantu mereka menukarkan tayar kereta mereka yang pancit itu.

**Kesimpulannya, Jika anda langsung tidak terfikirkan aper-aper mengenai seks semasa membaca 5 cerita diatas, ini bermaksud anda bukanya seorangyang normal. Sebaliknya jika anda terfikirkan sesuatu yangberkaitan denganseks....jangan ler anda risau, sebab anda adalah seorangyang normal..Tapijangan terlebih pikir 18SX jer?ANDA MACAM MANA? saya normal.....hehehee

sekian cerita sengal utk hari ini

Cerita Pelik Tapi Benar

Cerita 1

Suami : Kenapa Sayang menangis?

Isteri: Saya telah baca sebuah buku. Sad endinglah bang..

Suami : Buku apa?

Isteri: Buku bank abanglah..

.

.

Cerita 2

Tunang Farid, Siti menelefonnya untuk memutuskanpertunangan mereka.

Farid : Mengapa?

Siti : Saya dah bosan ngan awak. Saya dah ada teman baru. Sebelum tu awak mesti kembalikan semua gambar saya.

Farid : Ok. Tapi saya tak ingatlah yang mana satu gambar awak, Nanti awak pilihlah sendiri. Yang selebihnya kembalikan kepada saya.

Siti : Erkkkkkk.... .... Benci .........

.

.

Cerita 3

3 org menaiki motor dan ditahan polis trafik.Namun pemandu motor tersebut tidak berhenti. Katanya, 'Tak Muat Dah Tok, Kami dah bertiga!!!

.

.

Cerita 4

Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus. Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik mayat berkenaan.

Polis : "Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?"

Penjaga : "Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok. Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir."

Polis : "Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?"

Penjaga : "Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya!"

.

.

Begitulah kisah sengal utk hari ini...